Post by Admin on Mar 2, 2022 4:42:57 GMT
Chapter 14 - Destroyer of Hope
Job hints that it would be better if God just left men alone rather than pestering them with trials. Job hints to God that after he dies and disappears, God will miss his existence and want to renew him. He accuses God of being a destroyer of hope.
*Divine Coercion*
I have personally felt all of these emotions in my suffering due to scoliosis. I concluded that it would be better to have a universe without a God than a universe with an evil God. For a time, I felt like the metaphysical reality I existed within was between a battle between a Satan who wanted to maximize suffering, and a less than virtuous God who wanted to maximize his own pleasure rather than truly care about the wellbeing of humanity. I felt like God didn't really care about my suffering, he only wanted to use it as a tool to force me into obsequious humility and return to slavishly obeying his every edict in order to take from the crumbs of his blessings. God's curses were a tool of coercion - an abuse of power. God merely wanted to destroy my hope so that I would return to him.
*Between Heaven and Hell*
To feel stuck between a selfish God and an evil Satan is a frustrating predicament. It paints a dark vision for what reality is like - a place where goodness doesn't rule. There were times in my post-Mormon life that I felt like Satan and God where trying to guide me in different paths, but neither were trustworthy. I finally concluded that the only person I could trust was myself - because I alone truly cared about my own wellbeing.
*The Eternal Self*
Using metaphysical algebra, I invented a concept to mollify my anxieties. Based on my understanding of physics, it seemed to me that within Einstein's relativity was the possibility that eternal entities existed within black holes, since the experience of time at black hole level gravity is zero. If an object in a black hole never experiences time, it would never age - hence the possibility for godlike lifeforms. If there was a possibility of my consciousness existing after death, there was a possibility that my consciousness would be absorbed into a black hole and therefore guarantee my eternal life in the non-theological sense. I figured, if there was any possibility of my own consciousness leveling up into a demi-god in the future, there was the possibility that my future state as a God transcended time itself by dwelling within a black hole. My understanding of the eternity within a black hole was that time would be zero. This would mean that past, present, and future were all simultaneous realities to my God-state. Once my God-form entered a black hole, he would simultaneously exist in the current time of my mortal experience. Despite the paradoxical nature of it, I concluded that there was a possibility that I could pray to the future God-form of myself who transcended time and was therefore currently accessible in the "now". I figured that if I couldn't trust the Mormon God, I could trust my own God-form. Since his existence was dependent upon mine, I could confidently trust that he would be invested in my true wellbeing.
NEXT: Chapter 15 - Audacity
Job hints that it would be better if God just left men alone rather than pestering them with trials. Job hints to God that after he dies and disappears, God will miss his existence and want to renew him. He accuses God of being a destroyer of hope.
*Divine Coercion*
I have personally felt all of these emotions in my suffering due to scoliosis. I concluded that it would be better to have a universe without a God than a universe with an evil God. For a time, I felt like the metaphysical reality I existed within was between a battle between a Satan who wanted to maximize suffering, and a less than virtuous God who wanted to maximize his own pleasure rather than truly care about the wellbeing of humanity. I felt like God didn't really care about my suffering, he only wanted to use it as a tool to force me into obsequious humility and return to slavishly obeying his every edict in order to take from the crumbs of his blessings. God's curses were a tool of coercion - an abuse of power. God merely wanted to destroy my hope so that I would return to him.
*Between Heaven and Hell*
To feel stuck between a selfish God and an evil Satan is a frustrating predicament. It paints a dark vision for what reality is like - a place where goodness doesn't rule. There were times in my post-Mormon life that I felt like Satan and God where trying to guide me in different paths, but neither were trustworthy. I finally concluded that the only person I could trust was myself - because I alone truly cared about my own wellbeing.
*The Eternal Self*
Using metaphysical algebra, I invented a concept to mollify my anxieties. Based on my understanding of physics, it seemed to me that within Einstein's relativity was the possibility that eternal entities existed within black holes, since the experience of time at black hole level gravity is zero. If an object in a black hole never experiences time, it would never age - hence the possibility for godlike lifeforms. If there was a possibility of my consciousness existing after death, there was a possibility that my consciousness would be absorbed into a black hole and therefore guarantee my eternal life in the non-theological sense. I figured, if there was any possibility of my own consciousness leveling up into a demi-god in the future, there was the possibility that my future state as a God transcended time itself by dwelling within a black hole. My understanding of the eternity within a black hole was that time would be zero. This would mean that past, present, and future were all simultaneous realities to my God-state. Once my God-form entered a black hole, he would simultaneously exist in the current time of my mortal experience. Despite the paradoxical nature of it, I concluded that there was a possibility that I could pray to the future God-form of myself who transcended time and was therefore currently accessible in the "now". I figured that if I couldn't trust the Mormon God, I could trust my own God-form. Since his existence was dependent upon mine, I could confidently trust that he would be invested in my true wellbeing.
NEXT: Chapter 15 - Audacity
